Disciplinarian

Road to Relationship

2006-10-16T18:45:00.000-04:00

Many visitors to this blog are searching for insight into building a relationship using the principles of Domestic Discipline. There are very few places built exclusively for female disciplinarians - and that is why I have compiled a series of books on the subject. The series presents the principles of Domestic Discipline from a woman's perspective, and provides meaningful inspiration based on more than a decade of experience.

The first book is this series is titled Road to Relationship. In this book you will find all the basic information to get you started on a journey into Domestic Discipline. Please understand that there are many ways to implement DD into your relationship - and this guide presents the techniques I have found to be most beneficial. In this first book of the series, we discuss two important concepts in a DD relationship:

Understanding Your Power Within
Committing to the Discipline Process

The book contains some practical exercises that will help you to develop your relationship step-by-step. Whether the Head of Household is male or female, Domestic Discipline is a serious investment. You will find this book provides a serious approach to both discipline and punishment.

Disciplinary Journaling

2006-03-14T20:45:00.000-05:00

I believe that communication is vital in any relationship. I've found there are many opportunities for communication in a Domestic Discipline relationship. If a couple does not communicate about discipline, there is room for misunderstanding and false assumptions - then frustration and tension. One of the best opportunities to communicate is after a firm spanking.

I do require D. to keep a journal of his daily thoughts and actions. This was not something that we had to negotiate, and that's because D. wanted to express his thoughts to me. I also encourage him to use his journal to confess any behaviors or attitudes that would normally earn a discipline. Obviously, I count on D. to be completely open and honest in his journal.

I read his journal on a regular basis. I review his thoughts, feelings and behaviors so I can understand how he has really been feeling - instead of having to guess. After I have read the journal, I decide whether he needs to be disciplined for any of the misbehavior he has recorded. Let me make this clear: The journal is not a substitute for our personal communication, but it absolutely complements the discipline process.

Corner Time

2006-03-09T20:30:00.000-05:00

For many couples, corner time is an integral prt of the discipline routine. I use corner time when I want D. to think about his offense. Sometimes I have him stand in the corner before the spanking to build anticipation of the punishment to come. Other times I require him to stand in the corner after the spanking to heighten the effect of the punishment.

I have found that corner time allows the spanking to be expanded. By this I mean D. may need to have his punishment spread out over two or more sessions. I often give him a series of spankings for the more serious offenses - with each punishment in the series being more harsh. I can usually determine by his reaction during corner time if another spanking is warranted.

I discovered early that I needed to force D. to reflect on his misbehavior. There is no better place for him to do this than standing in the corner. When D. is put into this very boring place (instead of in front of the television), he is forced to go inside himself. He spends his time reflecting on the circumstances that led to his discipline and his responsibility.

Positions - Diaper

2006-03-07T19:45:00.000-05:00

This position puts D. in the most vulnerable position during the spanking. I don't often try this because I don't have the strength to keep his legs up and spank his bare bottom at the same time. It requires a little coordination to accomplish all this.

I've heard that it's a fun variation for the spanker - but I just don't see it, to be honest. It's definitely more embarassing for the person receiving the smacks because it exposes him completely. The only reason I've tried it is because I can actually look into his eyes as I land each of the swats on his bare behind.

If I can't see his eyes during the spanking, I have to rely on the tone of his voice and how much he squirms during the spanking in order to measure the effectiveness. Squirm and squeal are by no means weak measurements of how well I am doing - it's just nice sometimes to be able to see his facial reactions.

Positions - On His Stomach

2006-03-02T22:45:00.000-05:00

Another favorite spanking position is having D. lie on his stomach. This position works on the floor, face down on the couch or on the bed. I use pillows to angle the bottom up high. The use of the pillows offers some semblance of nurturing and comfort (but not too much). In this position, I can use my hand, a small paddle, or a strap. It allows for accurate spanking because I have really good control of my arm and a clear view of the target.

Positions - Over the Chair

2006-02-28T20:30:00.000-05:00

There are several positions I use to punish D. when he has earned a spanking. The most common position is OTK, but other positions may work even better for you. Don't be afraid to experiment with different positions. You might stumble on one that really enhances the effectiveness of the spanking.

Chair spanking positions are perfect for administering serious discipline such as paddling. I use this position when D. has been extremely disrespectful. The position leaves his bottom exposed and vulnerable, and allows for the best swing [of the paddle]. I instruct him to put his hands flat on the seat, bent over the back of the chair OR I turn the chair around and tell him to bend over. His bottom is positioned well and I kep good sight of the target area.

Aftercare - Open Communication

2006-02-23T22:15:00.000-05:00

By far, one of the most cherished benefits of a firm spanking is the open and vulnerable communication D. and I share. If he has experienced an emotional release, I give him a few minutes to absorb the experience and return to reality before swooping in to comfort him. When I feel that he is calm enough, I pull him close and whisper in his ear.

D. expresses his gratitude for my efforts at correcting his behavior. He lets me know that he understands the need for punishment. The emotional connection and intimacy you experience here can lead to sexual intercourse, if both of you are in agreement. The two of you should be sensitive to each other's needs at this important moment.

Take this time to reconnect after the emotional experience of the spanking. Some "experts" recommend not spending too much time talking about the spanking immediately after, but you gotta do whatever is necessary to keep the communication going. This is a fantastic opportunity to enhance the emotional bond.

Aftercare - Cuddling

2006-02-21T21:30:00.000-05:00

It's a good idea to spend a long while cuddling and nurturing each other after a spanking. After his punishment, D. needs encouragement as he emerges from the vulnerable space of the spanking back into everyday reality. If he has experienced an intense emotional release, I am there to provide assurances of love and trust.

Administering the Spanking

2006-02-16T22:15:00.000-05:00

Once his clothes are out of the way, you can utter the next set of instructions - "All right, bend over!" It is time for the actual spanking to begin. This is where you pull your naughty boy close and give him the spanking that he deserves. You might want to say something like "I want to be sure you remember this lesson!" to signal the beginning of the spanking.

The first 20+ smacks are hand warm-ups. Make sure you have his full attention. If he moves around too much, you may need to remind him to keep still. He may squirm around a little as you spank him. If D. is not squirming, I am not spanking hard enough.
After the warm-ups, you should start spanking him in earnest. Alternate your smacks evenly between the two cheeks. Every now and then you can place 2-4 smacks in rapid succession on the same cheek. Concentrate on the lower half of his bottom and down the tops of both thighs.
Continue to scold him while you spank him. As we discussed in an earlier section, it is important that you scold your naughty boy while you spank him. Remind him about the reason for his punishment.
Switch implements when necessary. Don't be afraid to take a brief break from smacking his bare bottom to change positions or switch to another implement.
Follow through with your spanking plan. I always make sure I spank D. until I get the desired response. It may be difficult to spank him, but it is important to be sure the lesson has gotten through. You must demonstrate that you can follow through.

How many swats do you give? This is not a question that has a universal answer. Generally, you should continue to spank until YOU are satisfied beyond any doubt that your naughty boy is truly repentant, and that the misbehavior that necessitated the spanking has been corrected.

Baring His Bottom

2006-02-09T22:30:00.000-05:00

Before I begin the actual spanking, I require D. to bare his bottom. I am more of a hands-on disciplinarian, so I often pull his pants and underwear off myself. If you do want him to do the work, you'll need to give him clear instructions. Say something like "I want you to pull your pants down and bend over the bed!" Don't forget to use your Command Tone as you give him clear instructions.

If your man does not move fast enough, you might want to increase the severity of the spanking or possibly add an implement. If he is being a real BOY about his discipline, remind him that you love him (and that you must spank him for his behavior), but you will not tolerate stall tactics.

Deciding on a Position

2006-02-07T22:20:00.000-05:00

The choice of a position has a profound impact on the tone of the spanking. When I decide on a position for D., I consider which implements I will be using. A belt or a strap requires a large swing area, so I typically have him bend over a bed for these implements.

Since a spanking usually begins with hand warm-ups, I begin with the over the knee position, then change to another position when it's time to change implements. An over the knee spanking is more intimate because both partners are physically connected during the spanking. For this reason, OTK is one of our most popular positions.

I also like requiring D. to lie on his stomach on a bed or a sturdy table for a spanking. Adding a few pillows under his hips may make this position more comfortable, and will definitely provide a better target for my belt or strap.

A more challenging position is bent over some piece of furniture (such as a bed or a couch). Bent over positions can be more intense because the gluteus muscles are stretched. There will be times when I plan on milking D. before the spanking, and I'll start him in the bent over position for these sessions.

Determining the Severity of the Spanking

2006-02-03T00:45:00.000-05:00

This particular task requires some advance planning. I use the list of rules in conjunction with the Disciplinary Log to determine the severity of D.'s punishment. The more deliberate the violation, the more severe I make the spanking. If he is repeating the same offense over and over (as with his sarcasm), I increase the severity to make the spanking more effective.

Use the Disciplinary Log to help determine the required intensity. I like to hear D. squeal. I like to watch him squirm. I like to make the spanking a memorable event - so that he remembers it for quite a long time. This is another reason I've required him to describe his punishments in the Disciplined One weblog. If I must administer a Repentance spanking, I build the severity until D. is exhibiting the necessary tears of repentance.

Choosing the Implements

2006-01-31T23:45:00.000-05:00

I believe that a spanking should start with a hand warm-up. It is much easier to control the intensity of hand smacks, and they can be more forceful or less forceful as the situation requires. When I administer a punishment spanking to D., I like to give him at least 15-20 very firm warm-up swats with my hand.

Another smart implement is a small leather paddle. This is one of my favorite things to use because it is compact (I often carry it in my purse for those impromtu situations), makes a loud noise on impact, and creates a very pink glow in his bottom (and sometimes on the backs of his thighs. It is a bendable leather "slapper" - and it is very effective in creating the right mood in a spanking. I apply typically as many swats as it takes to get D.'s attention.

Note: The one time we were at a hotel and I'd left the small leather paddle at home, I used a bedroom slipper on his bare bottom. I took some extra time to make sure I had his attention that night. There are a few things that can be picked up at a moment's notice to administer a sound spanking - and a bedroom slipper is a great substitute.

Another implement is a large leather paddle. This type of paddle is great for giving firm punishment spankings - especially when I want to cover his entire bottom with very little effort. The larger paddle is long enough to smack both cheeks at the same time and is usually very light and easy to manipulate for the desired effect. When I use the larger paddle, I usually give him 10 swats - and make him count each one!

There are a couple other implements that I use frequently during a discipline session. My absolute faborite implement is the strap - and that's because it gets D.'s attention immediately. A strap is a long leather piece with a handle on one end. It's not long enough to be a belt. The strap will get D. whimpering and squirming faster than anything else in the collection, but I do try to not overdo the swats with the strap.

The belt is different from the strap because it is longer and must be folded in two to be manageable. I apply the strap when tears are required. I use the belt to vary the rhythm and strength of the swats during the punishment. I always apply at least 10-15 swats with the belt, when necessary.

Scolding for Misbehavior

2006-01-24T21:20:00.000-05:00

Previous sections of this blog talk about the importance of Scolding in the DD relationship, but I cannot overemphasize the fact that scolding allows D. to feel my frustration in ways that the actual spanking cannot. It also helps him to respect me more. I committed early in our DD relationship to use scolding to gain D.'s respect. During each discipline session, I unleash a good dose of lecture and scolding.

Scolding is verbal chastisement sternly delivered in a somewhat angry tone. When I am about to spank D., I take verbal control of the situation and remain in control throughout the disciplinary session. I always speak to him in a firm, strong voice so that he knows feull-well that I mean business. Once he is in position and the actual spanking has started, I see no reason to stop lecturing and scolding. I try to maintain verbal correction throughout the entire spanking.

Disciplinary Log

2006-01-20T00:30:00.000-05:00

Before I confront D. about his attitude or behavior, I review his offenses in the Disciplinary Log so that I can scold him specifically for each infraction of the rules. Some relationships do not use the Disciplinary Log, but I make sure to write down individual offenses, transgressions, and omissions that will be covered by the spanking - otherwise I might leave something important out of the discussion.

Also, the Log provides an indisputable history of D.'s offenses. If I find that he is misbehaving in one particular area quite frequently (as he does with his sarcasm), I will use the history as proof that he needs a well-deserved Reminder Spanking. The Log also offers the opportunity to look back and see how D.'s attitudes and behaviors have changed over the course of several months. There is no doubt that our relationship has grown as a result of Domestic Discipline!

Guidelines - Part 4

2006-01-18T01:45:00.000-05:00

The following guidelines should be used to direct the disciplinary relationship between the person adminstering the discipline and the person receiving the discipline. I have collected these suggestions from sources such as the Spencer Plan (Dorothy Spencer) and other Domestic Discipline sites.

If discipline is requested, it must be given. This is one of the most valuable features of any Domestic Discipline plan. The person receiving the spanking should be able to ask for a spanking when one is needed.
The spanking can be administered using various implements. This is especially important when the female in the relationship is administering the spanking. Use of an implement allows her to concentrate on the effectiveness of the punishment.
The person receiving the spanking should not have to be restrained; if that person is unable to remain in position while being punished, the person giving the spanking should use whatever means appropriate to restrain the partner.
All spankings should be administered on the bare bottom. This allows for constant inspection of the skin and increased effectiveness. Spanking on a clothed bottom can lead to too severe a spanking or one that is not severe enough.
When the spanking is concluded, the person giving the spanking can choose to comfort the one receiving. Gratitude is expected at some point after the spanking has concluded. Where there is no expression of gratitude, there shall be additional punishment.

Please feel free to comment on any of the suggestions above. This is by no means a definitive list of guidelines, but it does provide a great starting point for any Domestic Discipline relationship.

Guidelines - Part 3

2006-01-13T00:50:00.000-05:00

Some offenses may require immediate discipline. In these instances, the punishment may be administered at a designated time and place.
If there are multiple punishments to be administered during a single session, the person being spanked may be rquired to stand in the corner between punishments. The corner time should be used constructively to contemplate the offense.
The person receiving the spanking should comply immediately with the instructions for location and position. Non-compliance should result in additional punishment.
Scolding and lecturing should be used during the spanking session in order to reinforce the punishment being administered.
After the discipline is over, the incident is over. To continue to hold a grudge against a partner for a specific offense severely hinders the work of the Domestic Discipline relationship.

Please feel free to comment on any of these suggestions. I will post more later. . .

Guidelines - Part 2

2006-01-10T23:50:00.000-05:00

Generally, an effective spanking should produce tears or some other type of emotional release.
The spanking should never be administered in anger. Both parties should be calm and rational so discipline can be administered properly.
One of the parties should keep a record of all offenses, transgressions and omissions in some type of a Disciplinary Log.
The person receiving the spanking shall, either by review of the Log just prior to a session or by verbal communication (such as lecturing or scolding) during the session, know the reasons for the punishment.
The discipline sessions should be scheduled at regular frequency. At each session, the punishment should be administered for any and all offenses committed since the last session.

Please feel free to comment on any of these guidelines. I will post more suggestions later.

Guidelines - Part 1

2006-01-06T01:30:00.000-05:00

The following guidelines should be used to direct the disciplinary relationship between the person administering the discipline and the person receiving the discipline. I have collected these suggestions from sources such as the Spencer Plan (Dorothy Spencer) and other Domestic Discipline sites.

Any changes to the guidelines should be discussed by both parties. There are no secret rules in the open household, and the purpose of the guidelines is to create an environment for effective corporal punishment.
Punishment must be administered lovingly and with the utmost care to avoid any serious injury; however, the punishment should also be effective and meaningful.
Discipline must be accepted as a caring act. Willing submissoin to the discipline is a must, and the one in need of discipline must be loyal, obedient and cooperative before, during and after the punishment.
A spanking may be administered (1) when an established rule is broken, (2) when an attitude needs adjustment, (3) when the spanking is requested, and (4) when a reminder spanking is necessary.
Effective punishment is defined as a spanking on the bare bottom that continues long enough and is severe enough to teach a useful lesson, improve an attitude, increase domestic harmony, create an unselfish spirit, and/or eliminate an unpleasant situation.

Please feel free to comment on these various guidelines. I will list more suggestions later. . .

Healthy Relationships - Generosity

2005-12-30T01:30:00.000-05:00

Please rate the following factors from 1-10, with 1 being VERY POOR and 10 being EXCELLENT.

GENEROSITY
Generosity is defined as liberal in giving, open-handed and marked by abundance. Typically, generosity is associated with the giving of money - but this is not the focus of a healthy relationship. Generosity is helping the other person become the best person they can be. It includes sharing knowledge, ultimate care, and compassion. It is being as openly human as you can be - and finding the courage to express genuine emotion.

Healthy Relationships - Thoughfulness

2005-12-15T23:50:00.000-05:00

Please rate the following factors from 1-10, with 1 being VERY POOR and 10 being EXCELLENT.

THOUGHTFULNESS
Thoughtfulness is defined as giving heedful anticipation to the needs and wants of others. Once you are in greater communication with your partner, you will become more naturally attuned to his/her needs, wants, and desires. With this improved awareness comes the opportunity to act upon some of them. Thoughtful actions show you are thinking about him/her - and this will certainly be well-received.

Healthy Relationships - Communication

2005-12-14T00:45:00.000-05:00

Rate the following factors from 1-10, with 1 being VERY POOR and 10 being EXCELLENT.

COMMUNICATION
Communication is defined as the process by which information is exchanged between individuals. It is the underlying idea upon which all relationships succeed or fail. How much intention do you put into your daily communication with your partner? Do you give him/her the detail that is needed? Do you include him/her in your world or do you keep him/her in a small place?

Healthy Relationships - Sincerity

2005-12-09T01:00:00.000-05:00

Rate the following factors from 1-10, with 1 being VERY POOR and 10 being EXCELLENT.

SINCERITY
Sincerity is defined as the quality of being sincere, honest of mind, fre of hypocrisy. It includes earnest devotion without reservation or misgivings. Sincerity is about your relationship with yourself. It is when you can really feel that your words are in total alignment with who you really are. You will find that by focusing on the other elementson this list, your sincerity will increase.

Healthy Relationships - Loyalty

2005-12-06T23:45:00.000-05:00

Sorry this has taken me so long to post, but D. and I had vacation plans for Thanksgiving - and he was extremely disrespectful on the way back home. I've had to punish him multiple times for his attitude and behavior during Thanksgiving weekend. He describes the experience in his Disciplined One weblog. I am still a bit perturbed with his behavior, so he may get another dose of the strap this week. Rate each of the factors below on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being VERY POOR and 10 being EXCELLENT. Once you have finished these exercises, you should discuss the objectives with your partner. Please endeavor to be brutally honest.

LOYALTY
Loyalty is defined as faithfulness to a person to whom fidelity is due. It goes without saying that husbands and wives should remain faithful. The true issue here is the wife feeling that the husband is truly in her corner. . .or the husband feeling supported by the wife. Once the discipline gets going, the bond will solidify.

Healthy Relationships - Honesty

2005-11-23T00:30:00.000-05:00

Rate each of the factors below on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being VERY POOR and 10 being EXCELLENT. Once you have finished these exercises, you should discuss the objectives with your partner. Please endeavor to be brutally honest.

HONESTY
Honesty is defined as straight-forwardness in conduct. Honesty implies a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way. It is a simple concept that sometimes gets sidetracked by rationalizing. In addition, there is the factor of emotional honesty - being real, truthful, open and vulnerable. If you hide or distort your feelings with your partner, you are not being honest.

Healthy Relationships - Trust

2005-11-17T22:30:00.000-05:00

As we pressed into the Domestic Discipline lifestyle, we had to determine where our relationship stood in several different areas. There are other websites that explain these as the Seven Key Elements of a Domestic Discipline Relationship, but they are really the key elements in ANY relationship. It should go without saying that these factors do not need to be perfect - all of us have work to do. But you should not underestimate how challenging this may be. If you feel you have parts of your relationship that are unhealthy, you may want to use your answers to set some realistic objectives. Rate each of the factors below on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being VERY POOR and 10 being EXCELLENT. Once you have finished these exercises, you should discuss the objectives with your partner. Please endeavor to be brutally honest.

TRUST
Trust is defined as assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone. To rebuild trust, you or your partner will have to be extremely conscious of keeping your commitments and agreements.

Types of Punishment Spanking

2005-11-16T00:30:00.000-05:00

As I see it, there are three types of Punishment spanking:

Respect Spanking - D. can be extremely disrespectful at times; and when his behavior turns disrespectful, I do not hesitate to get the paddle or the strap. The spanking is intended to create or improve respect within the relationship, and the punishment is always severe enough to effectively produce the desired respect.
Restoration Spanking - D. gets this type of spanking when his behavior has caused a disconnection in the relationship. Sometimes I pile on a Restoration Spanking after a Respect Spanking because of the disconnection from the disrespect. The dual punishment always brings tears to his eyes, but it has always helped us to move through this process together.
Repentance Spanking - When his behavior demands true repentance, D. earns this type of spanking. This is the most intense of all the spankings and always generates an emotional release (typically in the form of tears) and opens the door to emotional reconnection. When I confront D. with the strap, he knows he's about to get a Repentance Spanking.

Types of Discipline Spanking

2005-11-10T20:30:00.000-05:00

As I see it, there are three types of Discipline spanking:

Relief Spanking - I usually administer this type of spanking to D. to relieve stress or frustration in the relationship or in his daily routine. It is a firm spanking, sometimes ending in tears (emotional release), but always administered seriously and with intent.
Request Spanking - Typically, I administer this spanking to D. when he requests it. Sometimes we are so emotionally in tune that he does not have to make the request. Sometimes I know instinctively that he is due for a Request spanking. This is always given with love.
Reminder Spanking - I give this type of spanking to D. when a lesson needs to be reinforced. This is probably the most frequent type of Discipline spanking D. receives - simply because he can be very stubborn at times. Some people call this a Maintenance spanking.

Punishment Spankings

2005-11-08T22:30:00.000-05:00

Punishment spankings are given at our house for disrespect, dishonesty, and disobedience. It's not like I order D. around day and night -- but we've agreed that when I ask him to do something and he doesn't do it, he earns a Punishment spanking for disobedience. He wants me to be able to count on him. When D. violates one of our established boundaries, he receives a firm Punishment spanking. We have agreed to several rules and consequences in our house, and D. knows the severity of the punishment when he violates a rule.

A good Punishment spanking addresses:

Aggravation. I've given many spankings from being aggravated. I most often let some minor annoyance pass with a serious conversation, but my aggravation is usually caued by some disrespect. One of the first Aggravation spankings I gave was for D.'s tardiness and making me miss an important appointment. He knew about my meeting, but was 45 minutes late anyway. I took him into the bedroom, where I had him pull his jeans down to his ankles and bend over the bed. I gave him 10 warm up swats on his underwear before pulling them down for 35 more swats on his bare behind. Just to make sure I got the point across, I added 10 more swats with the leather paddle.

Disobedience. I have one memorable experience giving D. a spanking for disobedience. I asked him not to go to a particular club in our hometown -- but while I was out one afternoon, he went to the club anyway. When I returned home and discovered that he had disobeyed my request, I led him from the kitchen to the bedroom and sat him on the bed. After several minutes, he admitted to attending the club. All this stalling was making me furious! I told him to turn over on the bed (he fought me a little on this, but finally relented). I lectured him about the rules and trust/honesty as I spanked him on his jeans. I made him stand up and take off his jeans, then gave him 30-40 more swats. At that point in our relationship, I didn't own a paddle yet -- so I just kept spanking him until he started to squirm. I probably gave him around 80 swats, the last 20 or so on his bare behind.

I do own a few paddles now, so D. is not quite so quick to ignore my requests. It did take a few intense sessions in the bedroom to rid him of this behavior.

Discipline Spankings

2005-11-03T20:30:00.000-05:00

I've come to believe that Discipline spankings are unique in that they are intended to encourage D. to the point of change. When I give him a Discipline spanking, I must balance my firmness with some amout of sensitivity. I need to be aware of his limits, and be able to take him just to the edge. A good Discipline spanking must be painful enough so that D. does not desire to receive another like it for quite a while.

A good Discipline spanking can have several beneficial effects on the relationship:

Anxiety to Calmness. This is probably the most common of the Discipline spanking that I give to D. during the week. I have to give him credit because D. will sometimes initiate the spanking by saying something like "I'm really stressed over things. . .and I need a really good, hard spanking." One of the most memorable spankings I gave to D. occurred right after he made this request. He followed me down the hallway to the bedroom, where I proceeded to spank him for 45 minutes (that was about the amount of time it took for him to feel better). He thanked me profusely for giving him exactly what he needed.

Idleness to Diligence. This is another common Discipline spanking that D. earns during the week. Sometimes he just can't get motivated. The medical community usually prescribes an increased amount of physical exercise for this condition - and I think there's very little exercise better than a regular spanking. LOL After a firm motivational conversation with the paddle, my man's energy level usually improves almost immediately. I've learned not to skimp on the firmness of the spanking, otherwise D. tends to fall back into his lazy ways much quicker.

Types of Spanking

2005-11-01T18:30:00.000-05:00

There are three basic types of spanking that I administer to D. as part of our relationship: Erotic, Discipline, and Punishment. It is important to recognize the differences between these spanking types.

The objective of Erotic Spanking is orgasm. The erotic spanking focuses on soft, playful slaps - and progresses slowly to stinging slaps on a bare bottom (all of this may be mixed with body caresses and masage). It almost always includes role-playing. The implements and positions depend on the particular fantasy and the desired effect.
The purpose of Discipline Spanking is to encourage change. These spankings require a balance between firmness and sensitivity. There are elements of training, instruction, and exercise as well as stimulation. Discipline spankings usually begin with firm smacks on a covered bottom and progress to rigorous slaps on a bare bottom.
The purpose of Punishment Spanking is to punish for misbehavior. These spankings also require a balance between firmness and sensitivity. The spanker needs to be acutely aware of the physical limitations of the person begin spanked. Punishment spankings usually begin with firm smacks on a bare bottom and end with rigorous slaps of a favorite implement.

Using Scolding in Spanking

2005-10-28T00:30:00.000-04:00

I have learned that scolding is one of the best ways to increase the effectiveness of a spanking session. The first opportunity for effective scolding occurs before the spanking has actually begun.

Scolding BEFORE the Spanking - As soon as you have informed your man that he is going to be disciplined for misbehavior, you have your first opportunity for scolding. You can begin to scold him for his misbehavior right from the start. The scolding before the spanking will help to prepare him mentally and emotionally. I have found that D. responds better if I get right to the scolding and spanking at the same time.
Scolding DURING the Spanking - During the spanking, scolding can be used to discipline him along with the actual swats that he receives. You can use a kind of continuous scolding while you are spanking him or you can scold him, spank him, then scold him some more. Make sure that you get your point across! Believe me, D. knows when he's done something to earn a spanking. He sees it in my face as well as hears it in my voice. I let him know that he's crossed a boundary.
Scolding AFTER the Spanking - Another way to scold you man is to spank him thoroughly in silence. After the first round of his spanking is over, you can scold him briefly. Then you can begin another round of spanking. Women who use this technique also employ corner time to enhance the session. There have been times when I've had to scold D. after the spanking. Sometimes I do this to measure the effectiveness of the spanking. If he doesn't respond properly, then I know it has not been effective.

Importance of Scolding

2005-10-25T19:30:00.000-04:00

Why is scolding important? Scolding works together with spanking to produce a greater outcome - an outsome that is greater than a scolding alone (which is perceived as nagging) or a spanking alone (which is perceived as an emotionless exercise). Scolding dramatically enhances the effectiveness of spanking for several reasons:

Scolding can help to peel the layers of misbehavior. The causes of bad attitudes and misbehavior are often complex. His misbehavior can be like an onion - as you peel one layer, another layer is revealed. Each discipline session may remove one layer of his negative attitude. Do not give up! You will eventually reach the center.
Scolding can have a healing effect. Have you ever heard that truth has a healing effect? Truth can be healing with it is given with love. You may be angry when you are scolding him, but the entire discipline process is based on love and trust. As you work through the process together, you will find healing.
Scolding can help connect the spanking to the offense. Scolding reminds your man of his misbehavior. It helps him understand what he did wrong and the fairness of the discipline. You should remind him that you are doing this because you love him and for his own good.

Spanking and Scolding

2005-10-20T23:30:00.000-04:00

Scolding is a crucial part of my Domestic Discipline relationship. We have found it one of the best ways to increase the effectivenes of a spanking session. Women who know how to scold their man often do it instinctively - but I had to learn how to scold D. during the spanking. Every man responds differently to scolding.

Scolding is really about telling your man off. There are several issues I cover while scolding D. before and during the spanking. I make him understand what he has done wrong and why he is being spanked. I remind him that he deserves to be disciplined, and that I expect him to behave better in the future.

When I fail to scold D. properly, the whole session seems rather mechanical and emotionless. And a discipline session that is free of emotion tends to have very little impact on your man's life. It can make the difference betwen a spanking that leaves the man resentful and dry-eyed, and a spanking that encourages him to understand your hurt - then lovingly promise to behave better next time.

Spanking and Tears

2005-10-18T14:00:00.000-04:00

Tears are a natural result of the Domestic Discipline process. Sometimes D. cries when he is being disciplined for misbehavior or a bad attitude. Other times he does not. I always strive to make the discipline session an effective one - but sometimes I look back and realize it could have been better. We do not use tears as a measuring stick on a spanking's effectiveness.

Many men who do not cry when they are spanked wish they were able to cry, or that they were made to cry. There are a number of reasons why tears may appear during a spanking:

Tears can be a natural response to pain. A spanking is primarily intended to be painful. Tears are often a normal reaction to physical pain. If a man cries during a spanking, no one should be alarmed because it is a natural and healthy response to the spanking. Some of D.'s tears are a result of the pain.
Tears can be a natural response to true understanding. Men can sometimes exhibit tears during a spanking because they suddenly understand why they are being disciplined. They experience a sudden rush of understanding about how much hurt their actions caused. Sometimes this understanding leads to a feeling of sorrow about the damage to the relationship. Some of D.'s tears are a result of understanding.
Tears can be a natural response to acceptace and submission. Tears can signal the end of pride, arrogance, and selfishness - all the negative emotions that separate him from you. It is a beautiful moment when his stubbornness, selfishness, and pride are melted away. It is a moment of profound personal growth and progress. It was difficult for me to get through D.'s "brick wall" at first, but he is learning to let go of his arrogance one "little step" at a time.
Tears can be a natural response to true repentance. When a man exhibits tears during or after a spanking, sometimes it is due to a sense of repentance - a feeling that he is genuinely sorry for having behaved the way he did. This is the ideal form of tears because of the emotion behind them. These tears show that a man is truly sorry for his actions, not just pissed off because he is being spanked. There are very few of D.'s tears that are truly repentant - but this is a result that I strive for every session.

If you would like to be asured that he understands your hurt, you will want to bring your man to tears. It may be difficult to bring some men to tears, but you will have a better chance if you start slowly and gradually build up the strength of the spanking over a long period of time.

Administering the punishment more slowly (while scolding him for his behavior) will allow you to give a longer and harder spanking where the pain levels increase over time. You should be scolding him throughout the spanking so that he knows how much hurt he has caused. Eventually, you will witness his emotional release.

Spanking and Boundaries

2005-10-14T00:30:00.000-04:00

When D. agreed to begin a Domestic Discipline relationship with me, he told me he wanted to be held responsible for his behavior. To help hold him accountable, we use a set of rules in our relationship. These rules (which don't have to be numerous) set limits to my husband's behavior. They define what behavior is acceptable and what is unacceptable.

Boundaries encourage a sense of relief. Domestic Discipline is a positive and loving way for a woman to say to her man: "You cannot behave that way!" Spanking is a great alternative to retreating into silence, having an affair, or spending time avoiding your partner. By spanking D., I am acting positively and lovingly to correct his behavior.
Boundaries promote respect within the relationship. Domestic Discipline provides an ideal structure for creating and enforcing limits to a man's behavior. These limits help him to become a better person. It is a sign of his personal maturity if he should want more limits to his behavior - because it is a sign that he wants to grow as a person.
Boundaries are effective only if they are enforced. I realize that I must enforce these boundaries in order for D. to take them seriously. He tested me early in the relationship, but I did not give in. When he crosses a boundary, I discipline him with a punishment spanking. If I tell him "You cannot behave that way!" then allow him to misbehave, the relationship will suffer greatly.
Boundaries may be imposed or negotiated. There are some boundaries that are absolutely unacceptable for D. to violate (such as an affair with another woman). I have imposed these non-negotiable boundaries on D., and we have negotiated additional boundaries after discussion about goals and progress.

We not only discussed individual boundaries, but we also designed consequences of overstepping boundaries. Ultimately, boundaries do not restrict partners in a Domestic Discipline relationship - they prevent both participants from wasting time with negative words, action, and activities.

Spanking and Verbal Response

2005-10-11T21:30:00.000-04:00

As I administer a spanking to D., I am usually scolding or giving instructions (such as "Come here and bend over the bed!"). My husband and I discussed early in the spanking relationship how he should respond to these instructions. At the beginning of our relationship, he was mumbling "Okay!" and similar things - and that just didn't sit right with me.

We decided that D. should respond in a way that was more respectful during the spanking. It's funny now when we look back on it - there he was in a very vulnerable position speaking to me in ways that weren't exactly the most respectful. We decided that he should address me as "Ma'am" before, during, and after the disciplinary session.

D. does this willingly because he wants to show his respect for me (although I had to bring him to tears several times before he wanted to show respect). I have found that it puts him in the right frame of mind and helps him submit to the spanking more obediently. There are no standard rules about verbal responses, and they should be negotiated between the man and the woman.

Spanking and Gratitude

2005-10-06T13:30:00.000-04:00

One of the most important aspects of Domestic Discipline is the expression of gratitude. Both D. and I express our appreciation for each other regularly, but D. also thanks me after a spanking for disciplining him. Why should he be grateful for being spanked?

He thanks me because I've done something for him. He is the primary beneficiary of the spanking, meaning that he is the main person to benefit from the spanking. He will learn better behavior and become a better person as a result of it.
He thanks me because he practices respect. It may be that his disrespect is the original cause of his spanking, so it is all the more reason why he should behave politely towards me after the spanking.
He thanks me because he has learned his lesson. He was disciplined for a reason - because his behavior has been unacceptable. The spanking is designed to help him modify that behavior. If he just walks away after the discipline, it seems to imply that he still has an attitude of resentment about the whole thing.
He thanks me because being a disciplinarian is not easy. It is not an easy task to punish the man I love. It is not an easy task to bring him to the point of emotional release. It is not an easy task to scold him for his misbehavior. Most women would rather be doing something else, but this works for us (the effort is worth it!!).
He thanks me because I have enforced the rules. Many men complain that their partners are inconsistent in enforcing the rules with them. Indeed, I hear this as a common complaint! One way to reduce this lack of consistency is for the man to properly thank you after you have disciplined him. You need to know that he is grateful for your efforts.

If a man does not thank you for giving him the spanking that he needs, he should be spanked again. The rule in our house is: No thanking means more spanking. If the spanking had worked as intended, he would be able to thank you. I made sure that D. learned this lesson the very first time he "forgot" to thank me. I truly believe this is a respect issue that should be addressed from the very beginning of the DD relationship. An inability to be grateful for a punishment spanking is usually due to the man having a lack of sorrow or genuine repentance.

Spanking and Command Tone

2005-10-04T16:00:00.000-04:00

Because his attitude and behavior have serious repercussions on the relationship, I always make sure that D. takes the discipline seriously. The main technique I use to encourage respect during a discipline session is Command Tone. This is a particular tone of voice that is more likely to get attention and obedience than any other tone.

During a discipline session, you might say something like "Go to the bedroom, remove your clothes, and wait for me!" or "Come here and get over my knee!" I must admit that I practiced saying lines like these in front of a mirror as I learned how to give commands. It was not an easy thing to do - not because I have been a quiet and demure wife for these many years, but because I had to learn how to speak in a command voice.

I use this command tone when I inform D. of what he has done, when I tell him why it was wrong and why he is going to be spanked. Believe it or not, there are many good reasons to use a command tone during a discipline session:

It will increase the chances of your man obeying the order. When D. does as he is told, the whole discipline process flows much more smoothly, and the need for a Disobedience spanking diminishes. Believe me, D. has gotten his share of Disobedience spankings.
It helps to put your man into a more submissive frame of mind. This prepares him to accept the discipline that you are about to give him, and it also positively stimulates the flows of masculine and feminine energies between the two of you during the disciplinary process.
It will reduce the stress of the spanking for you. The stress of the spanking can be magnified by his uncooperative spirit during a spanking. Once you have mastered the command tone, you will find it enormously help in increasing his obedience.
It will reduce the effort required to discipline him. You will be less likely tohave to physically restrain him during the spanking. By putting your energies into the command tone, you will actually save energy that would otherwise be used to gain his cooperation.

Ultimately, the command tone is another communication technique. It is designed to provide clarity and compliance in your instructions. Command tone can significantly enhance the loving energy that flows between you and your partner because it helps to create a better process.

Benefit: Attitude Adjustment

2005-09-27T19:30:00.000-04:00

Somtimes my MAN behaves like a little BOY! This is never more apparent than when he is stubbornly holding onto his desire to be right. To encourage a change in his attitude, sometimes all I need to do is say "You're going to earn a spanking if you continue with this attitude!"

Other times require that I give him a hard spanking to clear his head and restore his sanity. I take these opportunities to teach D. humility, to train him to admit when he's wrong, to guide him into feeling truly sorry when he treats me with disrespect. When his attitude becomes an obstacle, a spanking helps him to feel how much he is hurting the relationship.

You might find that it is much easier to paddle him right there than go through the day wrestling with his bad mood - and you may be surprised at the results.

Benefit: Open Communication

2005-09-23T00:00:00.000-04:00

Another primary benefit of a Domestic Discipline relationship is open communication. I have heard many couples talk about how much their communication improved after the introduction of Domestic Discipline into the relationship. It is sometimes difficult with D. and I living stressful and busy lives to maintain open communication in our home. Sometimes D. feels emotionally distant. That's when I pull him close and remind him of my need for communication.

Quite often the purpose of the spankings that I give to D. is to restore emotional connection (release guilt and practice forgiveness) and not to punish him for an offense - even though the connection was lost because of an offense. Once I have rebuilt the emotional connection and restored respect within the relationship, the obstacles to communication (such as the stress and business I mentioned earlier) disappear.

Benefit: Respect

2005-09-20T19:30:00.000-04:00

Another primary benefit of Domestic Discipline is respect. If I allow D. to trample over my feelings, both of us lose respect for each other. Spanking can produce greater respect because I demonstrate my willingness to enforce boundaries. No relationship survives without boundaries.

If the basic respect exists between the two of you, then you can remind him to show respect when his attitude or behavior crosses a boundary. He needs to know there are consequences to his attitudes and behaviors. If you cannot enforce boundaries, you cannot expect him to honor and respect your boundaries.

Sometimes he may get sarcastic or take an attitude that damages the relationship. It is in these times that I am the toughest on D. so he will not slip back into his old communication patterns. A spanking is a clear reminder of where I do not want to relationship to go.

Benefit: Emotional Connection

2005-09-15T23:30:00.000-04:00

The primary benefit of a Domestic Discipline relationship is profound emotional connection between the partners. The enhanced connection is a result of moving through the discipline process together in one emotional space. When a spanking is administered properly, D. experiences a true sense of relief (release of guilt) and feels much better knowing I have had the chance to vent (and forgive).

Domestic Discipline has an emotional effect on both participants. It allow me (as the dominant) to demonstrate that I value the relationship enough to discipline him. By submitting to the discipline, D. demonstates that he values the relationship as well. The emotional connection happens because I am holding him close (instead of pushing him away) and we are moving through the process together - from the very first hard-fought words of the confrontation, through the physical spanking, and into the loving arms of the aftercare.

How Does Spanking Enhance Relationships?

2005-09-13T18:30:00.000-04:00

Sometimes D. gets frustrated simply because it isn't easy to NOT be in charge! Sometimes it just happens out of the blue. He cops an attitude because things aren't going just the way he wants them. That's when a spanking really helps. I think some of the reasons it helps include:

Spanking releases endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals in the brain. During and after a spanking, these chemicals are released to make the spankee feel total relaxation. The relaxation and openness allow both partners to feel totally loved and loving.
Spanking can be sexually exciting. The dominant partner enjoys giving the spanking, and the submissive partner relaizes the importance of receiving the spanking - especially after the discipline is over. It's hard to be stressed when you're excited!
Spanking restores us to our rightful place. When D. earns a spanking, I know that he will respect me more after I discipline him. If I neglect to correct his disrespect, his attitude and behavior will worsen over time until he eventually damages the relationship. We are more respectful and open with each other right after a firm spanking session.
Spanking provides some powerful attention. If D. Is feeling neglected, misunderstood, or frustrated as part of the bad behavior, then a good spanking is very healing. We've also goten into the habit of cuddling and carrying on some fairly deep discussions after the spanking.

Benefits of Domestic Discipline

2005-09-08T23:30:00.000-04:00

You might find an immense array of benefits in a Domestic Discipline relationship. Spanking can create an environment of personal and intimate discussion between the partners. It can be used as part of a larger process to allow more open discussion in the relationship. When it is properly administered, Domestic Discipline tends to:

focus his attention and energy
encourage his open communication
increase the respect he has for you
enhance the emotional connection to you
improve his temper and mood
create in him a spirit of unselfishness

The most effective spankings have the greatest rewards - more than just a pink bottom for him and a sore hand for you. Consider this post by a spanked hubby on one of the Yahoo groups dedicated to Domestic Discipline:

Last Saturday morning, I was in the middle of taking care of a task when I was interrupted by other things. I was also interrupted by my wife (the disciplinarian) with a request. I must have sounded a bit whiney in my response because I quite shortly found myself bent over getting a few well-deserved swats on my bare bottom. Remarkably, the rest of the weekend was wonderful for both of us. We did a ton of errands together and still found time both for ourselves and to be with family and friends. There is little doubt in my mind that without that Saturday morning correction, the weekend would have been just another stressed out, overbooked weekend.

In the coming weeks, I will post in much more detail about the benefits of Domestic Discipline. These are benefits I will share from my personal experience and benefits that the scientific community is just now beginning to notice. Thank you for taking the time to glance through this blog. I hope that it does all of us some good!

Definition of Domestic Discipline

2005-09-06T15:45:00.000-04:00

While any unabridged dictionary gives an appropriate definition of spanking, the book definition leaves too much to the imagination. Spanking has become an accepted and widely-practiced method of enhancing relationships. Many couples are discovering the relational benefits gained through consensual spanking - a technique that encourages new levels of communication.

There are as many different Domestic Discipline relationships as there are couples who have chosen the lifestyle. Ask the Smith couple across the street how they might define Domestic Discipline, and they will tell you what it means to them. Ask the Jones couple next door, and you'll get a completely different answer.

Definition: Domestic Discipline is the institution of boundaries and consequences imposed on either or both partners in the relationship as a corrective measure for specific transgressions.

The idea behind Domestic Discipline is to administer punishment when it is needed - then make up and forget the whole incident. In this way, every disagreement is effectively closed before it has time to grow into a much more serious problem. Domestic Discipline is a way of getting life and ourselves back in harmony with each other.

My Domestic Discipline Relationship

2005-09-01T23:00:00.000-04:00

I have been involved in the Domestic Discipline world in some form or another for almost 20 years now. I have had a few DD relationships that were memorable, but the vast majority were forgettable. A few months ago, I found D. hanging out in a Yahoo group devoted to Domestic Discipline. There are several DD groups out there - some good, some not so good.

During the first five weeks we struggled as a committed couple - experiencing frequent problems in our communication and trust levels. He was on the road a lot, and I found myself working for long hours. Eventually we reached the point where D. and I were living in two separate worlds. That's when I suggested Domestic Discipline.

I cornered D. one weekend and explained that he had a choice between Domestic Discipline or the end of our relationship. Fortunately, he's been involved in DD for a while, too. He agreed to apply the principles of the plan in our relationship - with me serving as the disciplinarian. After several months of working the plan, the changes in our relationship have been significant. We've gone from being distant and desperate to having a very fulfilling relationship.

It is my hope that these blog entries communicate some of the DD process between D. and myself, and that they help you to find the best method for enhancing your relationship.