The Disciplinarian Blog was created as a spanking journal. It is about adjusting the attitudes and behaviors of my Significant Other through firm consequences. If this topic offends you in any way, do not read any further. All Domestic Discipline occurs with a written contract between my SO and myself.

Location: United States

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Aftercare - Open Communication

By far, one of the most cherished benefits of a firm spanking is the open and vulnerable communication D. and I share. If he has experienced an emotional release, I give him a few minutes to absorb the experience and return to reality before swooping in to comfort him. When I feel that he is calm enough, I pull him close and whisper in his ear.

D. expresses his gratitude for my efforts at correcting his behavior. He lets me know that he understands the need for punishment. The emotional connection and intimacy you experience here can lead to sexual intercourse, if both of you are in agreement. The two of you should be sensitive to each other's needs at this important moment.

Take this time to reconnect after the emotional experience of the spanking. Some "experts" recommend not spending too much time talking about the spanking immediately after, but you gotta do whatever is necessary to keep the communication going. This is a fantastic opportunity to enhance the emotional bond.


Anonymous Wintermute said...

Ever since I discovered your blog I
have really enjoyed it. There are
very, very few blogs or web pages
written by women tops.

I was wondering... Do you only spank
D. for "cause" or do you also have
a regular spanking day each week
for example when he gets spanked
no matter what? Spanked hard if he's
been naughty and spanked lighter if
he's been a good boy.

12:02 AM  
Blogger Mistress Nikki said...

Wintermute --
Thank you so much for the sweet response. It was the realization that we really don't have a voice in the blog world that inspired me to write. There is so much information on LovingDD, but it is geared toward the M/f relationship.

I feel your question really revolves around "maintenance" spankings. I realized a few months ago that D. needed more regular (weekly) discipline. If he went without for too long, he'd get an attitude or take an unacceptable tone with me. I try to be proactive (in life, not just in my DD relationship) so the answer to this issue seemed clear to me.

Both of us agree these regular disciplinary sessions have helped to solve the problem. Sometimes I combine the session with a necessary punishment, but most often it is discipline to keep his attitude in check.

9:22 AM  
Anonymous Wintermute said...


Thanks for the reply to my question.
I've always thought that weekly discipline
would be wonderful, but I've never been
able to successfully have it happen in
my own life. If there is a specific
day when discipline will be administered
it seems to last of a few weeks and then
die out as events get in the way. So
D. is very lucky to have you.

I have, by the way, added your site to
my "links page" here:
With most sites there is a ramp up in
traffic, so I hope that you will not
get discouraged that there are so
far only a few loyal readers like me.
As you note, your site is pretty

Best regards,


11:27 PM  
Blogger dwcmike said...

A spanking leads to very open communication. The spankee has been scolded, spanked, and the problem solved. The aftercare is so very important, whether cuddling, romantic sex, or simply holding hands and planning new events that the two of you can do together. Discussing why the spanking occurred is "to our way of thinking" unnecessary, and counter-productive. Look forward, and have fun together.
PS: I absolutely love your blog

1:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Nikki,

Your comments here are comforting. My wife tries to keep spanking discipline alive for me. It has its benefits for me, and us, but it's not as a compelling need for her as it is me. Your blog is going great! Your writng encourages me not to give up and get sour and sulky while I practice painful patients waiting to receive discipline when she chooses to. In those interludes, when I'm missing the discipline, almost emotionally painfully, it's very comforting and encouraging to see you and D are regular practicianers. That keeps me from feeling isolated and withdrawn, when it gets to be a long, long , while! Thank you! I understand it takes time to blog. Please keep sharing your special unity in your relationship! It's a kindness for those of us, like me, that don't have enough partner spanking discipline, for it gives us hope!



5:17 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

I'm iffy about maintenance spankings, simply because after a while they don't work--or at least they haven't with me. If he knows he's getting spanked every Friday evening no matter what, where's the incentive for him to behave himself during the week? If he's bad, he gets spanked as punishment; if he's good, he gets spanked for maintenance. Why bother to be good if the result is the same?


3:32 AM  
Blogger Laurie said...

I'm iffy about maintenance spankings, simply because they don't work over the long haul--or at least they haven't for me.
If he knows he's getting spanked every Friday night, where's the incentive for him to behave well? If he's bad, he's spanked for punishment; if he's good, he's spanked for maintenance--so why should he bother to behave himself if the result is the same?


3:40 AM  
Anonymous Antonio said...

I think Laurie is pointing something important; I personaly think that the so called "maintenance spanking" aren't fair. I believe if a hubby is beeing good, he doesn't deserve be punished; on the contrary he deserves be rewarded. Thanks.

3:26 PM  
Blogger respected&disciplined said...

I tend to think that men are stubborn creatures of habit. and that they need to be reminded of their attitude and behavior. accountibility. maintenance spankings help keep the boundaries affirmed and help to keep the balance in a relationship.
Because men are stubborn creatures they need more discipline to get through to their heads. because this is where the problemm tends to come from. the head not the heart.

10:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a wonderfully informative blog which addresses many important questions of an F/M spanking nature, and I appreciate so much this comment in particular. Intercourse sometimes results from a memorable spanking and that makes the experience more rewarding and more exhilirating.

But an even more important outcome of an intense bare-bottom spanking can be the increased trust and respect and intimacy between the spankee and his disciplinarian.

Poorly understood among many mis-perceptions in the culture at large, spanking as defined on this blog--a thorough, firm, careful, lovingly applied OTK (or other method of) spanking can enrich and deepen an already loving mutually respectful relationship.

I am so thankful for M. Nikki's wise, articulate contributions to the F/M spanking genre.


5:46 PM  
Anonymous Ron K said...

I think maintenance spankings are wonderful because those are the fun spankings, not serious but loving and always lead to sex. In fact it is so good we often exchange spankings, I always look forward to the twice weekly maintenance spankings.


5:48 AM  

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