Healthy Relationships - Honesty

Rate each of the factors below on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being VERY POOR and 10 being EXCELLENT. Once you have finished these exercises, you should discuss the objectives with your partner. Please endeavor to be brutally honest.

• HONESTY
  Honesty is defined as straight-forwardness in conduct. Honesty implies a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way. It is a simple concept that sometimes gets sidetracked by rationalizing. In addition, there is the factor of emotional honesty - being real, truthful, open and vulnerable. If you hide or distort your feelings with your partner, you are not being honest.

Healthy Relationships - Trust

As we pressed into the Domestic Discipline lifestyle, we had to determine where our relationship stood in several different areas. There are other websites that explain these as the Seven Key Elements of a Domestic Discipline Relationship, but they are really the key elements in ANY relationship. It should go without saying that these factors do not need to be perfect - all of us have work to do. But you should not underestimate how challenging this may be. If you feel you have parts of your relationship that are unhealthy, you may want to use your answers to set some realistic objectives. Rate each of the factors below on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being VERY POOR and 10 being EXCELLENT. Once you have finished these exercises, you should discuss the objectives with your partner. Please endeavor to be brutally honest.

• TRUST
  Trust is defined as assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone. To rebuild trust, you or your partner will have to be extremely conscious of keeping your commitments and agreements.

Types of Punishment Spanking

As I see it, there are three types of Punishment spanking:

• Respect Spanking - D. can be extremely disrespectful at times; and when his behavior turns disrespectful, I do not hesitate to get the paddle or the strap. The spanking is intended to create or improve respect within the relationship, and the punishment is always severe enough to effectively produce the desired respect.
• Restoration Spanking - D. gets this type of spanking when his behavior has caused a disconnection in the relationship. Sometimes I pile on a Restoration Spanking after a Respect Spanking because of the disconnection from the disrespect. The dual punishment always brings tears to his eyes, but it has always helped us to move through this process together.
• Repentance Spanking - When his behavior demands true repentance, D. earns this type of spanking. This is the most intense of all the spankings and always generates an emotional release (typically in the form of tears) and opens the door to emotional reconnection. When I confront D. with the strap, he knows he's about to get a Repentance Spanking.

Types of Discipline Spanking

As I see it, there are three types of Discipline spanking:

• Relief Spanking - I usually administer this type of spanking to D. to relieve stress or frustration in the relationship or in his daily routine. It is a firm spanking, sometimes ending in tears (emotional release), but always administered seriously and with intent.
• Request Spanking - Typically, I administer this spanking to D. when he requests it. Sometimes we are so emotionally in tune that he does not have to make the request. Sometimes I know instinctively that he is due for a Request spanking. This is always given with love.
• Reminder Spanking - I give this type of spanking to D. when a lesson needs to be reinforced. This is probably the most frequent type of Discipline spanking D. receives - simply because he can be very stubborn at times. Some people call this a Maintenance spanking.

Punishment Spankings

Punishment spankings are given at our house for disrespect, dishonesty, and disobedience. It's not like I order D. around day and night -- but we've agreed that when I ask him to do something and he doesn't do it, he earns a Punishment spanking for disobedience. He wants me to be able to count on him. When D. violates one of our established boundaries, he receives a firm Punishment spanking. We have agreed to several rules and consequences in our house, and D. knows the severity of the punishment when he violates a rule.

A good Punishment spanking addresses:

Aggravation. I've given many spankings from being aggravated. I most often let some minor annoyance pass with a serious conversation, but my aggravation is usually caued by some disrespect. One of the first Aggravation spankings I gave was for D.'s tardiness and making me miss an important appointment. He knew about my meeting, but was 45 minutes late anyway. I took him into the bedroom, where I had him pull his jeans down to his ankles and bend over the bed. I gave him 10 warm up swats on his underwear before pulling them down for 35 more swats on his bare behind. Just to make sure I got the point across, I added 10 more swats with the leather paddle.

Disobedience. I have one memorable experience giving D. a spanking for disobedience. I asked him not to go to a particular club in our hometown -- but while I was out one afternoon, he went to the club anyway. When I returned home and discovered that he had disobeyed my request, I led him from the kitchen to the bedroom and sat him on the bed. After several minutes, he admitted to attending the club. All this stalling was making me furious! I told him to turn over on the bed (he fought me a little on this, but finally relented). I lectured him about the rules and trust/honesty as I spanked him on his jeans. I made him stand up and take off his jeans, then gave him 30-40 more swats. At that point in our relationship, I didn't own a paddle yet -- so I just kept spanking him until he started to squirm. I probably gave him around 80 swats, the last 20 or so on his bare behind.

I do own a few paddles now, so D. is not quite so quick to ignore my requests. It did take a few intense sessions in the bedroom to rid him of this behavior.

Discipline Spankings

I've come to believe that Discipline spankings are unique in that they are intended to encourage D. to the point of change. When I give him a Discipline spanking, I must balance my firmness with some amout of sensitivity. I need to be aware of his limits, and be able to take him just to the edge. A good Discipline spanking must be painful enough so that D. does not desire to receive another like it for quite a while.

A good Discipline spanking can have several beneficial effects on the relationship:

Anxiety to Calmness. This is probably the most common of the Discipline spanking that I give to D. during the week. I have to give him credit because D. will sometimes initiate the spanking by saying something like "I'm really stressed over things. . .and I need a really good, hard spanking." One of the most memorable spankings I gave to D. occurred right after he made this request. He followed me down the hallway to the bedroom, where I proceeded to spank him for 45 minutes (that was about the amount of time it took for him to feel better). He thanked me profusely for giving him exactly what he needed.

Idleness to Diligence. This is another common Discipline spanking that D. earns during the week. Sometimes he just can't get motivated. The medical community usually prescribes an increased amount of physical exercise for this condition - and I think there's very little exercise better than a regular spanking. LOL After a firm motivational conversation with the paddle, my man's energy level usually improves almost immediately. I've learned not to skimp on the firmness of the spanking, otherwise D. tends to fall back into his lazy ways much quicker.

Types of Spanking

There are three basic types of spanking that I administer to D. as part of our relationship: Erotic, Discipline, and Punishment. It is important to recognize the differences between these spanking types.

1. The objective of Erotic Spanking is orgasm. The erotic spanking focuses on soft, playful slaps - and progresses slowly to stinging slaps on a bare bottom (all of this may be mixed with body caresses and masage). It almost always includes role-playing. The implements and positions depend on the particular fantasy and the desired effect.
2. The purpose of Discipline Spanking is to encourage change. These spankings require a balance between firmness and sensitivity. There are elements of training, instruction, and exercise as well as stimulation. Discipline spankings usually begin with firm smacks on a covered bottom and progress to rigorous slaps on a bare bottom.
3. The purpose of Punishment Spanking is to punish for misbehavior. These spankings also require a balance between firmness and sensitivity. The spanker needs to be acutely aware of the physical limitations of the person begin spanked. Punishment spankings usually begin with firm smacks on a bare bottom and end with rigorous slaps of a favorite implement.