The Disciplinarian Blog was created as a spanking journal. It is about adjusting the attitudes and behaviors of my Significant Other through firm consequences. If this topic offends you in any way, do not read any further. All Domestic Discipline occurs with a written contract between my SO and myself.

Location: United States

Friday, October 28, 2005

Using Scolding in Spanking

I have learned that scolding is one of the best ways to increase the effectiveness of a spanking session. The first opportunity for effective scolding occurs before the spanking has actually begun.
  1. Scolding BEFORE the Spanking - As soon as you have informed your man that he is going to be disciplined for misbehavior, you have your first opportunity for scolding. You can begin to scold him for his misbehavior right from the start. The scolding before the spanking will help to prepare him mentally and emotionally. I have found that D. responds better if I get right to the scolding and spanking at the same time.
  2. Scolding DURING the Spanking - During the spanking, scolding can be used to discipline him along with the actual swats that he receives. You can use a kind of continuous scolding while you are spanking him or you can scold him, spank him, then scold him some more. Make sure that you get your point across! Believe me, D. knows when he's done something to earn a spanking. He sees it in my face as well as hears it in my voice. I let him know that he's crossed a boundary.
  3. Scolding AFTER the Spanking - Another way to scold you man is to spank him thoroughly in silence. After the first round of his spanking is over, you can scold him briefly. Then you can begin another round of spanking. Women who use this technique also employ corner time to enhance the session. There have been times when I've had to scold D. after the spanking. Sometimes I do this to measure the effectiveness of the spanking. If he doesn't respond properly, then I know it has not been effective.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Importance of Scolding

Why is scolding important? Scolding works together with spanking to produce a greater outcome - an outsome that is greater than a scolding alone (which is perceived as nagging) or a spanking alone (which is perceived as an emotionless exercise). Scolding dramatically enhances the effectiveness of spanking for several reasons:
  1. Scolding can help to peel the layers of misbehavior. The causes of bad attitudes and misbehavior are often complex. His misbehavior can be like an onion - as you peel one layer, another layer is revealed. Each discipline session may remove one layer of his negative attitude. Do not give up! You will eventually reach the center.
  2. Scolding can have a healing effect. Have you ever heard that truth has a healing effect? Truth can be healing with it is given with love. You may be angry when you are scolding him, but the entire discipline process is based on love and trust. As you work through the process together, you will find healing.
  3. Scolding can help connect the spanking to the offense. Scolding reminds your man of his misbehavior. It helps him understand what he did wrong and the fairness of the discipline. You should remind him that you are doing this because you love him and for his own good.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Spanking and Scolding

Scolding is a crucial part of my Domestic Discipline relationship. We have found it one of the best ways to increase the effectivenes of a spanking session. Women who know how to scold their man often do it instinctively - but I had to learn how to scold D. during the spanking. Every man responds differently to scolding.

Scolding is really about telling your man off. There are several issues I cover while scolding D. before and during the spanking. I make him understand what he has done wrong and why he is being spanked. I remind him that he deserves to be disciplined, and that I expect him to behave better in the future.

When I fail to scold D. properly, the whole session seems rather mechanical and emotionless. And a discipline session that is free of emotion tends to have very little impact on your man's life. It can make the difference betwen a spanking that leaves the man resentful and dry-eyed, and a spanking that encourages him to understand your hurt - then lovingly promise to behave better next time.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Spanking and Tears

Tears are a natural result of the Domestic Discipline process. Sometimes D. cries when he is being disciplined for misbehavior or a bad attitude. Other times he does not. I always strive to make the discipline session an effective one - but sometimes I look back and realize it could have been better. We do not use tears as a measuring stick on a spanking's effectiveness.

Many men who do not cry when they are spanked wish they were able to cry, or that they were made to cry. There are a number of reasons why tears may appear during a spanking:
  1. Tears can be a natural response to pain. A spanking is primarily intended to be painful. Tears are often a normal reaction to physical pain. If a man cries during a spanking, no one should be alarmed because it is a natural and healthy response to the spanking. Some of D.'s tears are a result of the pain.
  2. Tears can be a natural response to true understanding. Men can sometimes exhibit tears during a spanking because they suddenly understand why they are being disciplined. They experience a sudden rush of understanding about how much hurt their actions caused. Sometimes this understanding leads to a feeling of sorrow about the damage to the relationship. Some of D.'s tears are a result of understanding.
  3. Tears can be a natural response to acceptace and submission. Tears can signal the end of pride, arrogance, and selfishness - all the negative emotions that separate him from you. It is a beautiful moment when his stubbornness, selfishness, and pride are melted away. It is a moment of profound personal growth and progress. It was difficult for me to get through D.'s "brick wall" at first, but he is learning to let go of his arrogance one "little step" at a time.
  4. Tears can be a natural response to true repentance. When a man exhibits tears during or after a spanking, sometimes it is due to a sense of repentance - a feeling that he is genuinely sorry for having behaved the way he did. This is the ideal form of tears because of the emotion behind them. These tears show that a man is truly sorry for his actions, not just pissed off because he is being spanked. There are very few of D.'s tears that are truly repentant - but this is a result that I strive for every session.
If you would like to be asured that he understands your hurt, you will want to bring your man to tears. It may be difficult to bring some men to tears, but you will have a better chance if you start slowly and gradually build up the strength of the spanking over a long period of time.

Administering the punishment more slowly (while scolding him for his behavior) will allow you to give a longer and harder spanking where the pain levels increase over time. You should be scolding him throughout the spanking so that he knows how much hurt he has caused. Eventually, you will witness his emotional release.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Spanking and Boundaries

When D. agreed to begin a Domestic Discipline relationship with me, he told me he wanted to be held responsible for his behavior. To help hold him accountable, we use a set of rules in our relationship. These rules (which don't have to be numerous) set limits to my husband's behavior. They define what behavior is acceptable and what is unacceptable.
  1. Boundaries encourage a sense of relief. Domestic Discipline is a positive and loving way for a woman to say to her man: "You cannot behave that way!" Spanking is a great alternative to retreating into silence, having an affair, or spending time avoiding your partner. By spanking D., I am acting positively and lovingly to correct his behavior.
  2. Boundaries promote respect within the relationship. Domestic Discipline provides an ideal structure for creating and enforcing limits to a man's behavior. These limits help him to become a better person. It is a sign of his personal maturity if he should want more limits to his behavior - because it is a sign that he wants to grow as a person.
  3. Boundaries are effective only if they are enforced. I realize that I must enforce these boundaries in order for D. to take them seriously. He tested me early in the relationship, but I did not give in. When he crosses a boundary, I discipline him with a punishment spanking. If I tell him "You cannot behave that way!" then allow him to misbehave, the relationship will suffer greatly.
  4. Boundaries may be imposed or negotiated. There are some boundaries that are absolutely unacceptable for D. to violate (such as an affair with another woman). I have imposed these non-negotiable boundaries on D., and we have negotiated additional boundaries after discussion about goals and progress.
We not only discussed individual boundaries, but we also designed consequences of overstepping boundaries. Ultimately, boundaries do not restrict partners in a Domestic Discipline relationship - they prevent both participants from wasting time with negative words, action, and activities.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Spanking and Verbal Response

As I administer a spanking to D., I am usually scolding or giving instructions (such as "Come here and bend over the bed!"). My husband and I discussed early in the spanking relationship how he should respond to these instructions. At the beginning of our relationship, he was mumbling "Okay!" and similar things - and that just didn't sit right with me.

We decided that D. should respond in a way that was more respectful during the spanking. It's funny now when we look back on it - there he was in a very vulnerable position speaking to me in ways that weren't exactly the most respectful. We decided that he should address me as "Ma'am" before, during, and after the disciplinary session.

D. does this willingly because he wants to show his respect for me (although I had to bring him to tears several times before he wanted to show respect). I have found that it puts him in the right frame of mind and helps him submit to the spanking more obediently. There are no standard rules about verbal responses, and they should be negotiated between the man and the woman.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Spanking and Gratitude

One of the most important aspects of Domestic Discipline is the expression of gratitude. Both D. and I express our appreciation for each other regularly, but D. also thanks me after a spanking for disciplining him. Why should he be grateful for being spanked?
  1. He thanks me because I've done something for him. He is the primary beneficiary of the spanking, meaning that he is the main person to benefit from the spanking. He will learn better behavior and become a better person as a result of it.
  2. He thanks me because he practices respect. It may be that his disrespect is the original cause of his spanking, so it is all the more reason why he should behave politely towards me after the spanking.
  3. He thanks me because he has learned his lesson. He was disciplined for a reason - because his behavior has been unacceptable. The spanking is designed to help him modify that behavior. If he just walks away after the discipline, it seems to imply that he still has an attitude of resentment about the whole thing.
  4. He thanks me because being a disciplinarian is not easy. It is not an easy task to punish the man I love. It is not an easy task to bring him to the point of emotional release. It is not an easy task to scold him for his misbehavior. Most women would rather be doing something else, but this works for us (the effort is worth it!!).
  5. He thanks me because I have enforced the rules. Many men complain that their partners are inconsistent in enforcing the rules with them. Indeed, I hear this as a common complaint! One way to reduce this lack of consistency is for the man to properly thank you after you have disciplined him. You need to know that he is grateful for your efforts.
If a man does not thank you for giving him the spanking that he needs, he should be spanked again. The rule in our house is: No thanking means more spanking. If the spanking had worked as intended, he would be able to thank you. I made sure that D. learned this lesson the very first time he "forgot" to thank me. I truly believe this is a respect issue that should be addressed from the very beginning of the DD relationship. An inability to be grateful for a punishment spanking is usually due to the man having a lack of sorrow or genuine repentance.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Spanking and Command Tone

Because his attitude and behavior have serious repercussions on the relationship, I always make sure that D. takes the discipline seriously. The main technique I use to encourage respect during a discipline session is Command Tone. This is a particular tone of voice that is more likely to get attention and obedience than any other tone.

During a discipline session, you might say something like "Go to the bedroom, remove your clothes, and wait for me!" or "Come here and get over my knee!" I must admit that I practiced saying lines like these in front of a mirror as I learned how to give commands. It was not an easy thing to do - not because I have been a quiet and demure wife for these many years, but because I had to learn how to speak in a command voice.

I use this command tone when I inform D. of what he has done, when I tell him why it was wrong and why he is going to be spanked. Believe it or not, there are many good reasons to use a command tone during a discipline session:
  1. It will increase the chances of your man obeying the order. When D. does as he is told, the whole discipline process flows much more smoothly, and the need for a Disobedience spanking diminishes. Believe me, D. has gotten his share of Disobedience spankings.
  2. It helps to put your man into a more submissive frame of mind. This prepares him to accept the discipline that you are about to give him, and it also positively stimulates the flows of masculine and feminine energies between the two of you during the disciplinary process.
  3. It will reduce the stress of the spanking for you. The stress of the spanking can be magnified by his uncooperative spirit during a spanking. Once you have mastered the command tone, you will find it enormously help in increasing his obedience.
  4. It will reduce the effort required to discipline him. You will be less likely tohave to physically restrain him during the spanking. By putting your energies into the command tone, you will actually save energy that would otherwise be used to gain his cooperation.
Ultimately, the command tone is another communication technique. It is designed to provide clarity and compliance in your instructions. Command tone can significantly enhance the loving energy that flows between you and your partner because it helps to create a better process.