Road to Relationship

Many visitors to this blog are searching for insight into building a relationship using the principles of Domestic Discipline. There are very few places built exclusively for female disciplinarians - and that is why I have compiled a series of books on the subject. The series presents the principles of Domestic Discipline from a woman's perspective, and provides meaningful inspiration based on more than a decade of experience.

The first book is this series is titled Road to Relationship. In this book you will find all the basic information to get you started on a journey into Domestic Discipline. Please understand that there are many ways to implement DD into your relationship - and this guide presents the techniques I have found to be most beneficial. In this first book of the series, we discuss two important concepts in a DD relationship:

• Understanding Your Power Within
• Committing to the Discipline Process
  

The book contains some practical exercises that will help you to develop your relationship step-by-step. Whether the Head of Household is male or female, Domestic Discipline is a serious investment. You will find this book provides a serious approach to both discipline and punishment.

Disciplinary Journaling

I believe that communication is vital in any relationship. I've found there are many opportunities for communication in a Domestic Discipline relationship. If a couple does not communicate about discipline, there is room for misunderstanding and false assumptions - then frustration and tension. One of the best opportunities to communicate is after a firm spanking.

I do require D. to keep a journal of his daily thoughts and actions. This was not something that we had to negotiate, and that's because D. wanted to express his thoughts to me. I also encourage him to use his journal to confess any behaviors or attitudes that would normally earn a discipline. Obviously, I count on D. to be completely open and honest in his journal.

I read his journal on a regular basis. I review his thoughts, feelings and behaviors so I can understand how he has really been feeling - instead of having to guess. After I have read the journal, I decide whether he needs to be disciplined for any of the misbehavior he has recorded. Let me make this clear: The journal is not a substitute for our personal communication, but it absolutely complements the discipline process.

Corner Time

For many couples, corner time is an integral prt of the discipline routine. I use corner time when I want D. to think about his offense. Sometimes I have him stand in the corner before the spanking to build anticipation of the punishment to come. Other times I require him to stand in the corner after the spanking to heighten the effect of the punishment.

I have found that corner time allows the spanking to be expanded. By this I mean D. may need to have his punishment spread out over two or more sessions. I often give him a series of spankings for the more serious offenses - with each punishment in the series being more harsh. I can usually determine by his reaction during corner time if another spanking is warranted.

I discovered early that I needed to force D. to reflect on his misbehavior. There is no better place for him to do this than standing in the corner. When D. is put into this very boring place (instead of in front of the television), he is forced to go inside himself. He spends his time reflecting on the circumstances that led to his discipline and his responsibility.

Positions - Diaper

This position puts D. in the most vulnerable position during the spanking. I don't often try this because I don't have the strength to keep his legs up and spank his bare bottom at the same time. It requires a little coordination to accomplish all this.

I've heard that it's a fun variation for the spanker - but I just don't see it, to be honest. It's definitely more embarassing for the person receiving the smacks because it exposes him completely. The only reason I've tried it is because I can actually look into his eyes as I land each of the swats on his bare behind.

If I can't see his eyes during the spanking, I have to rely on the tone of his voice and how much he squirms during the spanking in order to measure the effectiveness. Squirm and squeal are by no means weak measurements of how well I am doing - it's just nice sometimes to be able to see his facial reactions.

Positions - On His Stomach

Another favorite spanking position is having D. lie on his stomach. This position works on the floor, face down on the couch or on the bed. I use pillows to angle the bottom up high. The use of the pillows offers some semblance of nurturing and comfort (but not too much). In this position, I can use my hand, a small paddle, or a strap. It allows for accurate spanking because I have really good control of my arm and a clear view of the target.

Positions - Over the Chair

There are several positions I use to punish D. when he has earned a spanking. The most common position is OTK, but other positions may work even better for you. Don't be afraid to experiment with different positions. You might stumble on one that really enhances the effectiveness of the spanking.

Chair spanking positions are perfect for administering serious discipline such as paddling. I use this position when D. has been extremely disrespectful. The position leaves his bottom exposed and vulnerable, and allows for the best swing [of the paddle]. I instruct him to put his hands flat on the seat, bent over the back of the chair OR I turn the chair around and tell him to bend over. His bottom is positioned well and I kep good sight of the target area.

Aftercare - Open Communication

By far, one of the most cherished benefits of a firm spanking is the open and vulnerable communication D. and I share. If he has experienced an emotional release, I give him a few minutes to absorb the experience and return to reality before swooping in to comfort him. When I feel that he is calm enough, I pull him close and whisper in his ear.

D. expresses his gratitude for my efforts at correcting his behavior. He lets me know that he understands the need for punishment. The emotional connection and intimacy you experience here can lead to sexual intercourse, if both of you are in agreement. The two of you should be sensitive to each other's needs at this important moment.

Take this time to reconnect after the emotional experience of the spanking. Some "experts" recommend not spending too much time talking about the spanking immediately after, but you gotta do whatever is necessary to keep the communication going. This is a fantastic opportunity to enhance the emotional bond.

Aftercare - Cuddling

It's a good idea to spend a long while cuddling and nurturing each other after a spanking. After his punishment, D. needs encouragement as he emerges from the vulnerable space of the spanking back into everyday reality. If he has experienced an intense emotional release, I am there to provide assurances of love and trust.

Administering the Spanking

Once his clothes are out of the way, you can utter the next set of instructions - "All right, bend over!" It is time for the actual spanking to begin. This is where you pull your naughty boy close and give him the spanking that he deserves. You might want to say something like "I want to be sure you remember this lesson!" to signal the beginning of the spanking.

• The first 20+ smacks are hand warm-ups. Make sure you have his full attention. If he moves around too much, you may need to remind him to keep still. He may squirm around a little as you spank him. If D. is not squirming, I am not spanking hard enough.
• After the warm-ups, you should start spanking him in earnest. Alternate your smacks evenly between the two cheeks. Every now and then you can place 2-4 smacks in rapid succession on the same cheek. Concentrate on the lower half of his bottom and down the tops of both thighs.
• Continue to scold him while you spank him. As we discussed in an earlier section, it is important that you scold your naughty boy while you spank him. Remind him about the reason for his punishment.
• Switch implements when necessary. Don't be afraid to take a brief break from smacking his bare bottom to change positions or switch to another implement.
• Follow through with your spanking plan. I always make sure I spank D. until I get the desired response. It may be difficult to spank him, but it is important to be sure the lesson has gotten through. You must demonstrate that you can follow through.

How many swats do you give? This is not a question that has a universal answer. Generally, you should continue to spank until YOU are satisfied beyond any doubt that your naughty boy is truly repentant, and that the misbehavior that necessitated the spanking has been corrected.

Baring His Bottom

Before I begin the actual spanking, I require D. to bare his bottom. I am more of a hands-on disciplinarian, so I often pull his pants and underwear off myself. If you do want him to do the work, you'll need to give him clear instructions. Say something like "I want you to pull your pants down and bend over the bed!" Don't forget to use your Command Tone as you give him clear instructions.

If your man does not move fast enough, you might want to increase the severity of the spanking or possibly add an implement. If he is being a real BOY about his discipline, remind him that you love him (and that you must spank him for his behavior), but you will not tolerate stall tactics.

Deciding on a Position

The choice of a position has a profound impact on the tone of the spanking. When I decide on a position for D., I consider which implements I will be using. A belt or a strap requires a large swing area, so I typically have him bend over a bed for these implements.

Since a spanking usually begins with hand warm-ups, I begin with the over the knee position, then change to another position when it's time to change implements. An over the knee spanking is more intimate because both partners are physically connected during the spanking. For this reason, OTK is one of our most popular positions.

I also like requiring D. to lie on his stomach on a bed or a sturdy table for a spanking. Adding a few pillows under his hips may make this position more comfortable, and will definitely provide a better target for my belt or strap.

A more challenging position is bent over some piece of furniture (such as a bed or a couch). Bent over positions can be more intense because the gluteus muscles are stretched. There will be times when I plan on milking D. before the spanking, and I'll start him in the bent over position for these sessions.

Determining the Severity of the Spanking

This particular task requires some advance planning. I use the list of rules in conjunction with the Disciplinary Log to determine the severity of D.'s punishment. The more deliberate the violation, the more severe I make the spanking. If he is repeating the same offense over and over (as with his sarcasm), I increase the severity to make the spanking more effective.

Use the Disciplinary Log to help determine the required intensity. I like to hear D. squeal. I like to watch him squirm. I like to make the spanking a memorable event - so that he remembers it for quite a long time. This is another reason I've required him to describe his punishments in the Disciplined One weblog. If I must administer a Repentance spanking, I build the severity until D. is exhibiting the necessary tears of repentance.

Choosing the Implements

I believe that a spanking should start with a hand warm-up. It is much easier to control the intensity of hand smacks, and they can be more forceful or less forceful as the situation requires. When I administer a punishment spanking to D., I like to give him at least 15-20 very firm warm-up swats with my hand.

Another smart implement is a small leather paddle. This is one of my favorite things to use because it is compact (I often carry it in my purse for those impromtu situations), makes a loud noise on impact, and creates a very pink glow in his bottom (and sometimes on the backs of his thighs. It is a bendable leather "slapper" - and it is very effective in creating the right mood in a spanking. I apply typically as many swats as it takes to get D.'s attention.

Note: The one time we were at a hotel and I'd left the small leather paddle at home, I used a bedroom slipper on his bare bottom. I took some extra time to make sure I had his attention that night. There are a few things that can be picked up at a moment's notice to administer a sound spanking - and a bedroom slipper is a great substitute.

Another implement is a large leather paddle. This type of paddle is great for giving firm punishment spankings - especially when I want to cover his entire bottom with very little effort. The larger paddle is long enough to smack both cheeks at the same time and is usually very light and easy to manipulate for the desired effect. When I use the larger paddle, I usually give him 10 swats - and make him count each one!

There are a couple other implements that I use frequently during a discipline session. My absolute faborite implement is the strap - and that's because it gets D.'s attention immediately. A strap is a long leather piece with a handle on one end. It's not long enough to be a belt. The strap will get D. whimpering and squirming faster than anything else in the collection, but I do try to not overdo the swats with the strap.

The belt is different from the strap because it is longer and must be folded in two to be manageable. I apply the strap when tears are required. I use the belt to vary the rhythm and strength of the swats during the punishment. I always apply at least 10-15 swats with the belt, when necessary.

Scolding for Misbehavior

Previous sections of this blog talk about the importance of Scolding in the DD relationship, but I cannot overemphasize the fact that scolding allows D. to feel my frustration in ways that the actual spanking cannot. It also helps him to respect me more. I committed early in our DD relationship to use scolding to gain D.'s respect. During each discipline session, I unleash a good dose of lecture and scolding.

Scolding is verbal chastisement sternly delivered in a somewhat angry tone. When I am about to spank D., I take verbal control of the situation and remain in control throughout the disciplinary session. I always speak to him in a firm, strong voice so that he knows feull-well that I mean business. Once he is in position and the actual spanking has started, I see no reason to stop lecturing and scolding. I try to maintain verbal correction throughout the entire spanking.

Disciplinary Log

Before I confront D. about his attitude or behavior, I review his offenses in the Disciplinary Log so that I can scold him specifically for each infraction of the rules. Some relationships do not use the Disciplinary Log, but I make sure to write down individual offenses, transgressions, and omissions that will be covered by the spanking - otherwise I might leave something important out of the discussion.

Also, the Log provides an indisputable history of D.'s offenses. If I find that he is misbehaving in one particular area quite frequently (as he does with his sarcasm), I will use the history as proof that he needs a well-deserved Reminder Spanking. The Log also offers the opportunity to look back and see how D.'s attitudes and behaviors have changed over the course of several months. There is no doubt that our relationship has grown as a result of Domestic Discipline!